Maybe we try to seek out that special someone by visiting the local bar scene. While there are many opportunities available in this approach there are some extremely negative aspects as well.
First, it makes the participants appear rather desperate since the need to look for companionship in a bar is more a clichй than a true search for a soul mate.
Second, this search will necessitate indulging in at least a couple drinks which dull our senses and slow our minds. Thus, both of the prospective partners are meeting in a mental and physical condition that we would never allow ourselves to be in when he buy a car or a house, two other life altering decisions that involve only money and not our future happiness.
Everyone out looking for "love" in a bar are also on what can best be described as their "best behavior". We're smiling and laughing and projecting a sense of interest in conversations that we hold only in order to see if we want to take that next step towards a short or long term relationship. Half the time we can barely hear what is being said to us and, if the physical attraction is strong enough, we could care less about what is being said as long as the end result is a little nocturnal bump and grind.
So, if you understand all of the distractions that come with work relationships or drunken encounters, where to turn to next? With the level of fear that we all sense even when a stranger so much as smiles at us on the street we know that chance meetings, while very romantic and fun in the movies, too often lead us into situations that can prove uncomfortable if not simply dangerous.
If you attend church regularly you might make that time into a part of your search. Of course, since fewer and fewer of us attend any sort of religious services on any sort of regular basis that avenue can be daunting, too.
Blind dates, hook ups through friends and relatives and other third tier ways to seek your partner almost always end up leaving you the eternal question "What were my friends/relatives thinking when they thought the two of us might be compatible?"
Maybe a vacation at a single's resort? There will be lots of single people, granted, but the chances of finding someone valuable that also lives near enough to continue a relationship is very small, indeed. Plus, of course, there is no way of knowing if anything about their self-described life is really true or if it is just a story meant to intrigue.
So how do we search out that special human being without all of the desperation of the hit and miss style of dating? Perhaps you might consider what is known as "On-Line Dating".
Before the Internet there were ads that we placed in the local newspaper or magazines. We could only hope that someone of value might read our lonely call. Sadly, no matter how earnest and honest we might be in our ads it usually attracted exactly the sort of people we try so hard to avoid in all the other places like bars and parks and the like. An even greater drawback was the fact that we usually had to give out our address or at least a general idea of where we lived and that is never a good idea until you feel very, very comfortable with the other person.
The Internet, however, frees us from just about all of these obstacles and fears. In the last few years the web has grown and matured to the point that seeking a mate on-line is safer, more precise and no longer carries the onus that it makes us appear as some sort of "loser". With on-line dating you are afforded the chance to discover some basic facts about many people you might find interesting. While most create a personal profile that is, shall we say, a bit inflated it at least gives us the opportunity to begin the dating dance with a bit of information.
So, how does one go about finding someone special on-line and still be safe and secure in your real life?
To begin, a word of caution. The world is full of creeps and halfwits. No one needs them in their lives if at all possible to avoid them. So, the number one concern you must keep in mind at all times is to insure that, while you are conducting your search up and down the virtual aisles of on-line dating services, you keep your identity secure until you decide it is time to share a little more about who you are and where you live and work. You will know when that time is so there is no hurry as you communicate with others. The best ones are the ones that will understand your hesitation and accept it as a part of on-line ritual.
The very first part of this search is to go to Yahoo or MSN or any of the free email sites and create an on-line name and account for yourself. These sites, during registration, may ask for information you don't wish to make available but you can just ignore those questions or, well, make stuff up. You aren't creating this persona for any illicit reasons so don't feel like you have to share more than you're comfortable with. What you are creating is simply a mail box where you can safely receive and send messages from that the rest of the dating service can see but cannot trace back to you. This will give you a great sense of security, believe me.
You will most assuredly find far more options if you present yourself in a professional manner. That doesn't mean business-like. I mean having a photo or two and a decent written profile. What you choose to include in your written profile is a very personal area and I won't pretend to be the best judge of that. Just make sure that it is truthful and expressive of who you are. As for the photos, you can either upload one or two from your scrapbook (offer those that have only you in the frame since few seekers wish to see your friends or family right away - they want to see you) or you can choose to place one or two that were produced by a skilled photographer that specializes in creating attention grabbing and alluring photos so that you look better online.
Okay, now that you have somewhere to receive the messages and a wall to stay behind until you choose to show yourself to someone you are interested in and feel relaxed with what's next?
Now is the time to ask yourself some very important questions. First and foremost is just precisely what qualities are you searching for in a mate? What attributes must they possess? Is ethnic heritage important? Skin color? Nationality? Age? Appearance? Education? Economic stability? City or state? Do you want someone who is serious and introspective or someone who makes you laugh? Do you want someone with the emotions held in control or someone that cries at sad movies? Or how about the most basic of all questions; the sex and sexual characteristics such as gay or lesbian or bi-sexual or even transvestites or cross-dressers? Frankly, are you already in a relationship that you don't want to leave but still feel a deep need for a little variety or intrigue?
This is exactly the time to ask yourself ALL of these questions and more. There really will be people out there who will fit unbelievably well within your concept of the perfect mate but you must first know precisely what those traits must be. There is zero hurry. Take your time. Get a piece of paper and start writing down what you seek and what you must absolutely avoid. If you are a vegan then then your mate should be too. If you are politically minded then that is important as well. Do you love participating in sports or just watching them on TV? Are you a neat freak or is that pile of clothes in the closet okay with you? Who you end up with will be determined in great part during this process. And don't worry that being this particular and choosy somehow makes the process into some sort of a shopping trip because it IS a shopping trip. You are going to find literally thousands of individuals that are on the same voyage of discovery that you are on so make sure that you know what your destination will be and don't just figure that you'll accidentally find your true love cause you probably won't. It is the most important choice you will make in life so go at it with great care and attention.
Okay, you've got your shopping list in your hot little hand, you have your photos and an idea of what you want to tell the world in your profiles and you're emotionally ready for the Mall Of Love! Exactly where do you start? There are hundreds of dating sites out there. You can begin the search and choose from the very well known sites you've seen a hundred times such as Yahoo! Personals and eHarmony . Not happy with those options? Try any of the hundreds of other meeting services like Metrodate.com or Matchmaker.com.
Are you a single parent looking to gain the happiness that comes from another that understands your life? Then Single Parent is the place to start.
You can look for someone from a particular ethnic background such as Latinos or Russians or German or Asian or Black Singles.
You can find interesting choices that match your religious preferences such as those belong to the Christian religion or Jewish backgrounds.
Looking for a same sex partner? For the men you can visit Gay.Com, Gay.Date.Com or just find others to text and chat with at US Gay Chat.
The ladies can choose a potential date among the millions of other lesbians that are actively seeking you at Lesbian Chat or Date.Com.
Are you a senior that needs and seeks companionship in life? Yup! There are places that you, too, can search out that special someone in life at Senior Friend Finder.
Single and In Your Fifties? Find your love at Date.com.
Looking for more than just good looks and beauty but want financial security, too? Try WealthyMen.com. or dating for successful men and stunning women at Sugardaddie.com.
For those who are already in a relationship but seek the danger and intrigue of an affair then I highly recommend Ashley Madison. Whatever sort of encounter you seek, straight, gay or lesbian there are tens of thousands of others who seek the same and wish to attain a discreet, quiet meeting with you. This site specializes in folks looking for excitement and diversity in their lives and you will not be disappointed in the choices available. Remember, be very careful and keep the meeting tasteful and take every precaution (in every sense of that word in this context).
Now that you've found a few possible candidates the best course is to spend enough time chatting with them on-line and perhaps exchanging more personal photos (no, not THAT personal unless you think it wise). That first date looms and you aren't sure how to proceed? The safest course is to meet in a neutral and public place for coffee or perhaps a movie or play. That way, if you find that you simply are not attracted to the person after all, you merely need to thank them for a pleasant time and wish them success in their personal search for a soul mate and go back and resume your search. There is never a hurry. Even if it takes five or ten coffee dates to find one that still seems interesting you must remember that you have all the time you need and millions of possibilities to choose from.
A relationship should be a meeting of two like minded individuals with basically the same goals in life. It should be the center of your day to day existence and a welcome respite from the stress and expectations of the world. Your partner is out there. He or she is just as anxious to find you and you are to discover them. On-line dating used to be seen as a last resort for the lonely but it has transformed itself into one of the very best ways to find what you really seek without the drudgery and games of bars and blind dates. There should be no embarrassment in searching for your partner on-line since it offers the entire world at your pleasure and protects you and your identity until you make the choice to present more of yourself to another.
Good luck. From someone who found, online, the lady I have sought so long I can assure you that, with a little effort and a lot of care, your special one and only exists and is seeking you right now. Now go find them and may your life be as rich and full as mine has become.
About the Author
John Cannon is the author or Another Perspective and has written more than 600 articles on subjects ranging from politics and religion to silly musing about the spirit within.
Source: ArticleAttic,info
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