Romance in Dating: Does Romance Exist?

A few months ago I had a notion for a few days that maybe, just maybe romance had gone and vanished for good. Maybe I was having an off day, who knows. But it gave me the notion to think about the subject of romance and put pen to paper (well keyboard actually).

Is love and romance dead do you think? I don't think so at all. After pondering the question I came to the decision that romance must be alive and well and living in all of us, it may just be hiding. Well most of us anyway. It is a question that women may be accused of asking more than men. But I know a lot of men who would ask the same question. Listen to me when I say – romance is not dead; even if it can appear to be dead some days. The question is, why do we think its has gone?

The answer of course does depend on what you mean by romance. Romance is many different things to many different people. It can mean kissing in the rain, it can mean holding a door open, showing respect, buying flowers, moving a seat, supporting an arm, making a Valentine’s card, creating surprises for your loved one, even helping them when they are in need, but it generally relates directly to affection and togetherness. Romance is the art of demonstrating your feelings in an outward fashion and making someone feel special. You won’t be romantic to someone you don’t want romance with, so it is a coming together of two like minded people that allows romance to flourish.

Why do we think that love and romance have gone? This is most obviously demonstrated in a passionless world where sex has become main stream. Sex of course is not romance. Sex is exactly that, sex. It may be part of romance, it may be integral to love and a relationship, but romance is something altogether different. Romance appears to have vanished in our lives because people are so busy, so directional, so needy for the things that assist them in functioning. In other words, our lives are quite selfish really. We may not like to admit it, but we do first, what helps ourselves, and then secondly we help others. With romance, your own needs are subjugated by your own free will to allow for the benefit of your chosen partner.

Men are often accused of not being romantic, and being too practical instead. That may be true yes, but it is not fair on men to say that all the time. The practicality of men often belies their romantic nature. By fixing something up, be repairing , mending, doing, helping, that’s often a man showing consideration , effort, attention, affection and yes, ladies, romance! The problem is, the lady doesn’t always see it that way. Covered all day in oil in the yard is not romantic, except perhaps in a movie or two. Arguing with a waiter or in a shop is not assisting, it is being belligerent and rude and therefore not romantic in the least. However do try and understand that a man thinks that if he is assisting or helping, he is being considerate.

When considering love and romance, romance is about effort, about winning favor, about deserving love, about respect. One only needs to read Chaucer’s The Knight’s Tale to read a full description on the concept of romance. What I am arguing is that if you want to be romantic, you need to understand what it is to be romantic. Does it mean you need to watch French cinema, read romantic novels, listen to romantic music. Maybe yes it does! Our world can be a soulless world, and more often that not romance is missing from our daily lives. But it needn’t be so. I argue that if you are willing and able to relearn romance for yourself, then you can begin to practise it. Romance is not a definite art from. Just because the person you're with buys you a rose, doesn’t make them any more romantic. But maybe it is a romantic gesture if it is spontaneous.

The largest arrangement of red roses, the most expensive seat at the opera, the most luxurious car in the lot are not romantic, especially when they are regularly provided. Romance is about small thoughts and expression, about giving and feeling, about caring for someone and wanting to show someone how special they are. It’s about the details, about the small things in life that you put a lot of attention into especially to make someone else’s life better on one way or another. Now that is romance.

Valentine’s day is a commercial day we know but I often think it is sad on 14th February each year when I see so many people pacing along after work clutching expensive roses and cards. It is nice to show you love someone, but if this is the only day in a year you do so then where did the romance go? Every day is a day to buy and send flowers, every day is a day to make someone a hand made card, a scribbled note, asingle flower from the garden, a note on the pillow, a surprise breakfast, a surprise outing, even just a phone call when it's needed. That, my friend, is romance.

"Meeting the Parents: Stressful Occasions"

Okay so you have met the love of your life. You have been safely cocooned in your love nest and things have been going fabulously. You guys are getting pretty serious and its time to take things to the next level due to inquisitive phone calls from keenly interested parents. Lets face it, you are dreading it. Your private life is about to be held open to scrutiny by people you know to be scrupulously honest. This is dangerous territory dear reader.
The first danger is that your parents could confirm something you have already thought of but discounted. You know that they have a lazy eye but you don't need it bringing up over tea and biscuits. Now we certainly don't need a good time ruining so we hope that we are wrong. The next is that parents have high expectations and standards for their offspring and the person you are about to drag through their pristine front door is about to be interrogated like a war criminal. Woe betide them if they fail the interview as it can leave you feeling isolated. On the other hand its possible your parents could simply be embarrassing by pulling out photo albums of the time when you had Mumps aged 3.
Friendly parents are lovely and you will always feel far worse as the offspring than the love of your life who has never met them before because you are fearing the embarrassment factor. They are not. If your new love is flirtatious you can be driven up the wall by their over friendly behavior and your mom or dad taking a shine to them. There again you must also take into consideration the awkwardness that could ensue due to parental excesses and eccentricities. You may have grown used to your father's liking from swinging from the branches of a tree in the garden but your date may be somewhat shocked.
Of course before any first meeting there is always that amazing briefing you get in the car on the way. Parents of course never live round the corner, but usually about 30 miles+ away. On the way you will explain about all the little foibles and eccentricities, things to watch out for, apologies in advance. Things to say and things not to say etc. My favorite was when I dated an Italian girl. I visited Florence to visit and had to formally ask her father permission to escort her after 10.30pm at night. I was ushered into his study where I appeared to have encountered Marlon Brando from the Godfather. Unfortunately he spoke no English. I had to spend 3 hours in there and we used sign language. He enjoyed my silly efforts and granted permission!
Then again you may be the visiting lover who is being introduce din which case you are either going to be not good enough for daddy's little princess of mommy's little soldier. Its a fact. Well that's what you feel on the way and play repeatedly though various scenarios that could develop. What happens if the toilet won't flush, what happens if I accidentally break a Ming vase or start cursing uncontrollably for absolutely no reason. And so the stress levels mount accordingly.
Usually when we get introduced to parents they are really looking forward to meeting us as long as we aren't the 20th that month. Parents simply want their children to be happy in life and love and as long as their prospective partners are nice then that's fine. Or so you think. Remember that at the back of the mind is the thought that you could end up being one of the family and who exactly will be paying for the wedding anyway! So it pays to make a real effort and be conscientious on this occasion.
If you mess things up you can be jeopardizing your own relationship so try and be on form, take a small gift with you and have your wits about you and your sense of humor switched up high. Is meeting the parents really that important? yes it can be, it depends on many factors like closeness of family and age etc. But in the end we all seek some kind of acceptance for our newly-chosen partner, we want to be told we have made a very good choice. And who better to do it than the people closest. A necessary hurdle that you must leap.
Things to Remember on a first visit:

• Be polite and show respect
  


• Don't have a hangover from the night before
  


• Don't ever refer to sex and your partner
  


• Don't ask if you can sleep together at their house
  


• Take small gift with you that has been researched
  


• Refer to the parents formally unless invited otherwise
  


• Do not drink alcohol unless invited
  


• Never attempt to smoke, even in the garden or yard
  


• Never refuse food and drink. Accept graciously
  


• Do show humor and character but not too much
  


• Do think through some basic questions they may ask
  


• Do not be evasive about your work or career
  


• Dress well and look presentable
  


• Avoid any form of bad language
  


• Think of the entire situation as a small interview

"The Class Factor: Meeting People with Class When Dating"

When dating, there are certain people I have encountered who always stand out. It is not those who were the most visually stunning or those who were the most flash, it was simply those few people who exuded class. Men can have class, women can have class. But what do I mean? Well, by class I mean a level of sophistication, education, intelligence and breeding that makes them stand out from the crowd. Now get this straight. Class has nothing (zero) to do with wealth. Its has everything to do with knowing how to act and how to have a level of style and sophistication that most people are too lazy to carry off.
If as a woman, someone held the door open for me, got my chair, and knew about wines and food and could converse well on a wide range of subjects I would be impressed and see them as having class. You may not have two cents to rub together but if you are thoughtful and intelligent, caring and well read, you may have class. Class has nothing to do with what you wear although your class will show through the way you wear your clothes. I will give you an example: In Bali a male friend on walking up to a temple, immediately pulled out a well crafted silk sarong. He had read the need to keep covered in Indonesian temple and his research and preparation shoed his class in this situation.
An angry man shouting at a waiter on a date shows no class at all and should be avoided. It may be the style of people of some great cities to be bullish and aggressive and rude, particularly in restaurants but this kind of behavior shows no class at all and speaks volumes about they lack of knowledge of how to treat fellow humans. A person with class will not be rude but will be gracious and polite. A person with true class will know when it is necessary to make a point and can be firm without ever raising their voice. I know so many girls who have been outraged by their date making a complete display of himself by having to be rude and arrogant to a waiter to demonstrate their power. It is sad, it is fruitless and such men will deserve to remain single.
The problem with modern generations is that we have seen a dumbing down of society and as this has happened so stupidity is applauded and intelligence ignored. Whilst James Bond may still be a screen idol, his level of sophistication is seen in very few. It is almost as if class is only available to the wealthy few. This is not true. Women with class tend to be subtle and understated as do men. Women will tend not to be ostentatious though they will be educated and informed with specific tastes in anything and everything. You can test out people by simply asking their opinions on things. Ask them what is their favorite Picasso composition, ask them what they think of this years authors or even current events. Class will show through in informed reasoning and sparkling conversation. With class comes wit and observation.
People with class know how to treat you well but more importantly know how to make you the center of attention whilst you are together. An old friend used to spend hours in a restaurant whilst her date eyed up every woman who entered the building. She put up with it for a time but the man had no class. Yes I have had some dates where the gaze remains focused on me, where I am listened to intently, reasoned with, debated with and made to feel special and fascinating. That is a date with class.
So where do you find people who have class? Does it mean hanging around academic and literary circles or art galleries? Not at all. First of all let us be clear. Your type of date may simply not be this kind of person at all. If getting recklessly drunk in your local bar with the girl of your dreams is your thing then that is perfect. If you simply like sharing Dunkin' donuts and coffee, that is perfect too. You will find a person with class by sticking to those who will treat you well. When dating make sure you look to find someone who matches you in intelligence and interests. Date people who know how to treat you well and ensure you are made to feel special. Date people who behave impeccably and make you feel like you are walking on air.
No one has to put up with second best in their lives so wanting to meet someone with class is not out of the question. Simply make a list of the qualities that you would like in someone and then ensure that you primarily date those who are able to fulfill those promises.
If someone has class, you want to be with them. You feel good to be with them and you feel good about yourself. You feel like your world has opened up and that there are millions of new possibilities. You feel you can learn form them and they can learn from you.
Here is a list of things that I found in my special dates who did have class that you may want to look for to.
They are intelligent and witty
They listen and are very interested
They are quietly confident about their own abilities
They are well dressed but understated
They are well-travelled or had studied hard
They are conscientious and polite
They are well-read and have wide interests
They know who they are and have ambitions
They are never rude or arrogant
They ensure you are the focus of attention
They ensure you always feel comfortable
They are always considerate
They are relaxed and extremely easy to chat with
They make you feel good just to be with them
They are a person of the people
They never discuss their money and belongings
They are never loud and ostentatious
If you get some of the following when you are with a date then you may have found someone who does have class. Remember, class has nothing to do with riches and wealth and is really about manners and breeding and how people treat others, including you.