Romance in Dating: Does Romance Exist?

A few months ago I had a notion for a few days that maybe, just maybe romance had gone and vanished for good. Maybe I was having an off day, who knows. But it gave me the notion to think about the subject of romance and put pen to paper (well keyboard actually).

Is love and romance dead do you think? I don't think so at all. After pondering the question I came to the decision that romance must be alive and well and living in all of us, it may just be hiding. Well most of us anyway. It is a question that women may be accused of asking more than men. But I know a lot of men who would ask the same question. Listen to me when I say – romance is not dead; even if it can appear to be dead some days. The question is, why do we think its has gone?

The answer of course does depend on what you mean by romance. Romance is many different things to many different people. It can mean kissing in the rain, it can mean holding a door open, showing respect, buying flowers, moving a seat, supporting an arm, making a Valentine’s card, creating surprises for your loved one, even helping them when they are in need, but it generally relates directly to affection and togetherness. Romance is the art of demonstrating your feelings in an outward fashion and making someone feel special. You won’t be romantic to someone you don’t want romance with, so it is a coming together of two like minded people that allows romance to flourish.

Why do we think that love and romance have gone? This is most obviously demonstrated in a passionless world where sex has become main stream. Sex of course is not romance. Sex is exactly that, sex. It may be part of romance, it may be integral to love and a relationship, but romance is something altogether different. Romance appears to have vanished in our lives because people are so busy, so directional, so needy for the things that assist them in functioning. In other words, our lives are quite selfish really. We may not like to admit it, but we do first, what helps ourselves, and then secondly we help others. With romance, your own needs are subjugated by your own free will to allow for the benefit of your chosen partner.

Men are often accused of not being romantic, and being too practical instead. That may be true yes, but it is not fair on men to say that all the time. The practicality of men often belies their romantic nature. By fixing something up, be repairing , mending, doing, helping, that’s often a man showing consideration , effort, attention, affection and yes, ladies, romance! The problem is, the lady doesn’t always see it that way. Covered all day in oil in the yard is not romantic, except perhaps in a movie or two. Arguing with a waiter or in a shop is not assisting, it is being belligerent and rude and therefore not romantic in the least. However do try and understand that a man thinks that if he is assisting or helping, he is being considerate.

When considering love and romance, romance is about effort, about winning favor, about deserving love, about respect. One only needs to read Chaucer’s The Knight’s Tale to read a full description on the concept of romance. What I am arguing is that if you want to be romantic, you need to understand what it is to be romantic. Does it mean you need to watch French cinema, read romantic novels, listen to romantic music. Maybe yes it does! Our world can be a soulless world, and more often that not romance is missing from our daily lives. But it needn’t be so. I argue that if you are willing and able to relearn romance for yourself, then you can begin to practise it. Romance is not a definite art from. Just because the person you're with buys you a rose, doesn’t make them any more romantic. But maybe it is a romantic gesture if it is spontaneous.

The largest arrangement of red roses, the most expensive seat at the opera, the most luxurious car in the lot are not romantic, especially when they are regularly provided. Romance is about small thoughts and expression, about giving and feeling, about caring for someone and wanting to show someone how special they are. It’s about the details, about the small things in life that you put a lot of attention into especially to make someone else’s life better on one way or another. Now that is romance.

Valentine’s day is a commercial day we know but I often think it is sad on 14th February each year when I see so many people pacing along after work clutching expensive roses and cards. It is nice to show you love someone, but if this is the only day in a year you do so then where did the romance go? Every day is a day to buy and send flowers, every day is a day to make someone a hand made card, a scribbled note, asingle flower from the garden, a note on the pillow, a surprise breakfast, a surprise outing, even just a phone call when it's needed. That, my friend, is romance.

"Dating: Memories of The Best Dates We Ever Had"

The best dates we have ever been on are the ones that were the most fun with the best company. They may not end in blinding love or marriage but they may have lived on with us because we enjoyed them so much. There was something memorable about them. Lots of dates are mundane, dull, meaningless repetition of standard question and answer sessions punctuated by some forced humor and and attempt to keep things genuine whilst knowing the moment you exit the cafe, you will never see that person again. Personally I have traveled all over the country on dates and some have been truly awful and the odd one, spectacular.

The best dates are the simplest, the least forced, the most natural. The best dates can happen with a complete stranger out of nowhere, or are planned weeks in advance by making special plans to win your date's heart. I remember chatting with a person on an Internet dating site on Saturday evening and within an hour of first chatting we had met for a drink. That Saturday evening in Chicago was tremendous fun, the person fantastic company, 4 hours of laughter and great food. We swapped life stories and details of the smallest things about our lives and for those briefest of hours everything was fabulous. Due to travel etc., we never met again but the point is that a perfect date can really be that unplanned.

I think it's true that when we plan something too far in advance we can get carried away and build things up to much higher levels than is really justified. If I know we are going on a date three weeks on Saturday I will start planning, however much I try not to. What will I wear, how will I wear my hair, what will they be like, will anything come of it. And so on. Before you know it, a simple date has turned into the planning of Woodstock.

In other words, simple spontaneous dates are the best. Formality too tends to wreck the best dates. Somewhere too formal doesn't allow both parties to relax and can be oppressive and stifling. The worry of getting everything right, ordering the correct dishes, selecting the right wine, even paying the check. Particularly the right clothes. A self assured dating partner will allow things to flow more smoothly and put you at your ease but the point is, the best dates involve somewhere far more relaxed. It could be a diner an a walk in the park, a beach bar and a stroll on the beach. So always choose something where both people can be comfortable, kick off their shoes and just chill.

The best dates are ones that begin with few expectations and open into something much greater. A short meeting over a coffee ends up being a day long passionate conversation. A lunch hour one afternoon ends up taking over the whole day, even weekend. They are the best dates. Not expecting your date to be anything special and discovering that they are amazing, that is a good date too. Two people who end up becoming a couple will always remember how they met and what they did so it is always important to put some thought into every date you go on.

I think if you date continually for the sake of it then you will have some idea of your idea of a perfect date and how it would go. Even if you haven't met anyone fabulous lately you can still imagine what best dates should be like for you. There are a great many clichés surrounding dates, from sunsets over blue lagoons to romantic restaurants in Rome. They are things we can aspire to in our fantasies. But having great dates means being open minded, being open to new people, new ideas and very good conversation. I often observe friends with their lists of questions that they reel off as they go through the motions on a first date and wonder why they get nowhere.

My method always involves meeting and greeting my date like I have know them years. In this way I put myself and them at easy. I love to talk so I always try and get us both to chat about anything and everything over a glass of wine. If it flows naturally then great, if it doesn't then its fine as I always set a mental time limit at first. My favorite best dates have always been with charming individuals who are interesting and interested. They have always been brief encounters the first time where I am dying to meet them again. They are instant adrenaline shots, they are eye opening meetings that me salivate with anticipation. I put some of that down to trying to date the kind of people I get along with but also being extremely receptive to new ideas.

Your best dates with differ from mine probably, but the point is, treasure best dates as excellent memories and experiences. You have met some great people and you are going to meet a few more along the way before your dating is done.

Quick Dating Tips:Keeping the Momentum In Relationships

Once you have started dating regularly you will need to think about keeping the momentum going. It is all too easy to allow your dating to run out of steam too early and watch your date lose interest in you. It is also the case that you can easily lose interest in them too. This happens because most often there is too much given and received too soon. People sometimes get bored and go after a new thrill, others suddenly lose interest for no apparent reason leaving you high and dry.
1. Dating is about fun and enjoying the company of your new romantic interest. The first and primary thing you must do is keep this element of fun high. So keep your dates amusing and interesting and do many varied and creative things, whatever the weather. This should never stop.
2. Do not give of yourself too much too soon. You must remain your enigma factor and an element of mystery to retain your date's interest. Therefore don't always explain everything and don't tell your entire life story too early on.
3. Keep your main life going and remain as busy and as routine as possible. A busy person is an interesting person and whilst you should not play games with your date, you do not suddenly need to start explaining everywhere you go and everything you do. The more they wonder about you the more they will want to know you.
4. Keep sex out of reach for a while in the early stages until you are practically wanting to rip each other's clothes off. Whilst this desire is at it's most intense so will your relationship grow. Ultimately sex brings a special closeness between two people but it should not necessarily be immediate. Many is the guy or girl who has lost someone for being too forthcoming too soon.
5. Retain your independence for nothing has changed. Whilst you may well soon fall in love, your friends are still there as are your nights out and your independent socializing. When things often go wrong it is because you have isolated yourself from your normal life too quickly and too soon. I advocate that you should always be able to bring something unique back to your relationship and to do this you must keep your independent interests to a degree.
6. Plan things together and communicate about the future. Have common goals and learn to work as a team to make some of these goals occur. I don't mean big things like buying a house together but the first step will be vacations for building that solid foundation.
7. Learn to laugh together a lot and keep laughing. Humor is the one factor beyond all others that seems to stray from relationships. It is both your responsibilities to keep things fun and entertaining so think up as many things as possible and start straight away.
8. Spend time together. It sounds obvious but it is amazing how many relationships drift simply because people don't put the time in. Work is just work. If this is your big romance it should start to take priority. Money most certainly isn't everything but quality time is. You will strengthen your bond if you put each other first as frequently as possible.
9. Communicate with each other. People seem to forget how to talk once they have started dating. It is as if you think you have said enough already. Well communication and eye contact and letting each other know how you feel, both good and bad, which will make all the difference as to whether you survive as a couple.
10. Listen to your partner and feel her/his needs. Listening is greatly underrated and should be practiced by everyone. People tell you things in the most unspoken or subtle of was. By listening to the person you love, you will see how you can keep things alive and alight.
11. Be spontaneous. There is nothing more boring than routine. Every little thing helps from planning a surprise weekend to turning up from work with flowers. It is your responsibility to be spontaneous every day so get into the habit, however long you have been dating.

"Key Tips To Successful Dating"

What is a successful date? Does it mean it leads on to relationship and romance? Well you that would be cool. But it doesn't have to mean that. A successful date can be one where you got on very well, had a great time and things ended on excellent terms. Not every date we go on will end this way, but they should if we plan our dating a little more carefully.
My main concern is that we often just accept dates from the next person who shows and interest and we hope that we get on okay. The problem here is that we are being passive in our dating game. We are receivers without a game plan. Our dating is bound to be far more successful if we are the ones going out and choosing who we would like to date from a selection of those who are compatible.
To do this successfully you first have to have an idea of who you are most likely to get on with and be truthful when you do it. If you insist on dating everyone, 50% of the people you meet won't be compatible straight away. In which case you will have half of all your dates as a complete waste of time. Stop doing that and start analyzing what kind of people you get on with. Okay I could say the following@
I like people who are aged 29 to 36, single and never previously married, no children but would like a child sometime. Should be Christian to an extent, well educated, reasonably tall and have long blonde hair. They should be receptive to the idea of marriage like winter sports and live within 100 miles of my home.
Okay if I do this then I can be accused of many things here but this is just an example. The effect though is to set some criteria by which I can date and from which I am likely to see some successful dating. If I don't make a dating profile then its open to all comers. That's okay. Maybe you simply don't care and want to meet anyone you can., In which case spread your net widely. The problem is though that you are not going to please everyone and once again 50% of your dates will be a complete waste of time.
Recognize that none of us are compatible with everyone. Reclines your minimum dating requirements and then ensure you match the requirements you set. There is absolutely no point in setting the following if you don't match yourself.
I am looking to meet a guy who is 6 feet 2" or taller, must be athletic and a professional sportsman with an income of over $200k a year. They must be extremely attractive, own their own house and sports car and be able to surf.
If you are five feet 1", out of shape and maybe overweight with no career and a low income and cannot swim then what you have done is just describe your ideal fantasy figure not your probable dating criteria. I am not for one second saying you won't be attractive to the character you have described but to date successfully you must establish ground where you are most likely to be compatible and will easily match.
The next thing to consider when looking at successful dating are your expectations. If you are expecting instant love at first sight followed by a perfect romance and children then that's great. The issue here is that it may not happen that way. I wish it would but it doesn't. So being realistic and expecting little is often the best way to date. If you do then one of these days you are in for a nice surprise. Greet every date with optimism but don't go over the top. If you make a new friend then you have done well. Don't expect Cupid at every turn. It will happen but maybe not just yet.
Successful dates are simple dates. They are casual and fun. Believe me when I say that desperation comes across as though you have a placard over your head announcing it. Never ever be desperate to date. If you are then this is the time to take a breather ironically. How many times has someone said that you meet a person when you least expect it. Its true, that's why. So successful dating is when its part of your monthly routine but not the be all and end all.
Successful dates are when you are at your most casual and most upbeat and most relaxed. Successful dates happen when you are focused but in a good mood. Put the rest of your house on order and your dates will naturally take on a new glow because you will be far more positive and organized.
To summarize:
Successful dating involves setting realistic match criteria
Successful dating involves establishing dating boundaries
Successful dating means being prepared and upbeat
Successful dating means keeping things simple and fun
Successful dating means dating the right people for you
Successful dating means being realistic about your expectations
Successful dating means being patient